The four rules of thumb

I was thinking today. And I realised that I'm quite temperamental in general. I wasn't like this when I was younger but lately my tolerance level has gone down quite significantly. Blame it on hormones, but normally I held back and put on a pokerface *yea this is where my nick comes in handy* and act cool. I know my outburst is unreasonable but hey when I hit the point it's not like I want to right?
For those who know me, they will know there are few ways of getting on to my nerves.
So here are top few ways of pulling my chain:

Four
Eating time. Hah! Classic. A hungry man is an angry man. That phrase applies to me so well. It's as if its custom made. For me. When I'm hungry, anything that causes me to unable to have my meal is like stepping on a mad dog's tail. Obeying my bio-clock is extremely crucial to me. When my tummy calls, it has to be answered IMMEDIATELY.

Three
I don't know about everyone else, but have you ever encounter people who are extra cheerful in the morning? Urgh. Annoyinggggg. In the morning, I am a grumpy person. Ok. That's an understatement. The morning is the time when the whole world is against me and I'm against the world. Morning is my private time. My sanctuary time. Me and Thornberry time. I really appreciate it if no one interferes with my me-time and leave me be. You wanna be cheerful? Fine by me. But don't try pulling me in with pathetic efforts. I am cycnical and bitter in the morning and I like to stay that way. That don't always apply on all mornings of course. Only happens on mornings I have to wake up early. Say, 6ish and earlier. Other days when I get the privilege of waking up late, I'm totally normal on those days :) Of course I do get better on those 'fateful' morning. That is after a lapse of 1ish hour.

Two
Frogs. Frogs are the experts at boiling my nerves. They seem to have the inborn talent of knowing which spot to hit and rocket me up and through my roof. The constant ONGs! ONGs! they orchestrate at night ie. rainy nights piss me off so bad, I can envision horrific graphics in my mind. Its in my older posts. Yea. About things I wanna do badly to the green creatures. There were a couple of times, when the sopranos of the frogs were at their highest notes interfered with my sleep, I was tossing and turning on my bed with violent fits of anger. So much so, I have to shift to another room to sleep. On yoga mat that is. Imagine the hardness of the floor. But, I've found a way to put the frogs to silence. Forever :D

One
The ultimate way to see the darker shade of Thornberry is *drumrolls* upsetting my sleep. I am a fussy sleeper. A little too much of light or sound or a little too hot makes the environment unfeasible for me to sleep. I need extremely conducive surroundings to fall asleep. I am sensitive to the extent of, even aircond water leaking outside can annoy me. Or sound of water in the toilet dripping for that matter. And this includes the frogs definitely.
So anything or anyone that caused any incongruity to the 'conduciveness' will face my wrath. In fact, I called the police a couple of times to arrest my neighbour for blasting the f-radio in ungodly hours. I attempted throwing rocks or stones at first. But there was nothing nearby to throw that can bring enough damage. So I gave up. Yeap. I admit it. But the police came surprisingly and warned my neighbour only. Lucky them. They know it was me. So what?? Sue me la. I even hung 2 layers of dark curtains to block out any lights that can disrupt my sleep. I went to the length of taping the small green light on the aircond. Cause I think it is too bright. See how particular I am?

Conclusion of the story. Thornberry = fussy.

Stick in the mud

I was lying on my bed thinking the other night before I sleep. About life after uni. How will it be like? Where will my future take me? From all I can anticipate are; fear of finding a job, the worry of coping with the job, financial concerns and adapting to the real world. Don't you just feel exposed and unsheltered thinking about it? I do. And I haven't even make allowance for what that may come, unanticipated.

I have major plans ahead of me once I graduate. Can't exactly disclose it here, it's too private. But what are the odds of carrying it out, I don't know. Seeing my current position now, I'm not exactly in good shape to be pondering about it. I hate thinking about it. Usually I just push it to the back of my thoughts.

Facing this unusual crisis of life-after-uni, it makes me realise how much I wanted to grow old the Malaysian way. Note that I didn't say I wanna stay in Malaysia. I just wanna experience Malaysian life a little longer. Maybe I wanna experience it for as long as I live. Human nature. We're most comfortable or most accepting of what we experience first. The changes are usually rejected and unwelcomed. Unless, the prior experience is horribly unbearable or the changes brings much more positive outlook as compared to the past. Don't agree with me? OK. Here's an example. Let's say you've been listening to this song for all your life. And suddenly a new singer came and remixed the song. I think most people will find themselves inclined towards the original piece comparing with the remix version. Barring, the remix version is vastly superior than the previous piece. Or the previous piece is excruciating to the ear. If there's only so much difference between the current and the changes, then people are likely to ignore the miniscule changes and stick with the present.

Sorry, I digress. I'm trying to make a point here. My life after uni, considering the plan, may bring me a better life. But sacrifices are indispensable. No pain, no gain right? And its going to be a costly one. If I survive this, then I dare say I am something. But if I don't, it's gonna be a long fall; a long way down. Either way, I'm trapped. If the plan works, I'm going to be paying some high price for some time. Aborting the plan isn't exactly in my favour as well. I'm not happy either ways. Bottomline, I hate leaving my comfort zone. I hate changes.

I never thought proceeding in life will bring this much worries. When I was a kid, I always wished I'll grow up faster, so I can do whatever I want. I guess Mr. Spidey has it right, "with great power comes great responsibility". Now that I have my freedom, I have greater responsibilities. It's a counter- independence logic.

I wanna have a little time longer:
Going to mamak late at night
Going to pasar malam
Staying in freehold, and landed homes
People around me who can't speak such perfect Engrand *makes me feel superior :p..ok i'm so evil*
Speeding on highways without worrying about efficient law enforcers
Eating diverse local delicacies
Able to visit other states, and feel the difference as you enter those states
Having to travel far to get somewhere
Going to the beaches and many other islands to visit instead of being stuck with just one
Most of all, breaking rules because it is possible :D

All in all, I'm not patriotic. But I do love the imperfect Malaysian ways.

Rubbish post. Don't bother reading

Today's post is going to be boring. Cause I'm feeling bored. I'm bored from feeling worried. Its about my presentation. Yeah, I've been sitting here since don't remember what time typing my slides. Thanks to she-who-must-not-be-mentioned. But I'll give you a hint. It's the lady with red mouse who goes click-click-click away. Man, I hate her and that freaking mouse. I wish I can javelin the mouse and her to the front of lecture. WAHAHAHA. Anyway, wishful thinking.

I wonder, why am I blogging now. This is one thing I hate about having a blog. I seem to have this obligation to blog but yet I can't squeeze out anything to write. I suppose I'm a responsible blogger :D So here I am, crapping something at least on this blog. Good night.

The WH- questions

I wonder.
What happen to you?
Where have you been?
Why aren't you here?
When will you come back?
Who are you thinking of now?
Whose door you're knocking on now?
Whom are you with now?
Why are we here?
How did we get here?

And then I realised, I'm too lazy to think about it. Why? Cause it is way beyond my convenience to answer all these questions. So, I decided I should sleep and let my brain rest. In fact I can smell something burning. I think its my hair. Good night.

Elise

I saw her. For the first time. Standing there. Amidst the crowd. So beautiful. So elegant. I've never seen any like her before. Elise was her name. Such a beauty. It was effortless to spot her. Her long slender frame, with shade that I have never seen before. Standing out from the crowd. So unique and extraordinary but yet still hold an air of subtlety.

I fell in love. At first sight. I got to have her. I need to own her. So I moved through the crowd. Pushing my way through. Hurrying so that I will get to her quickly. She just stood still, waiting. As if knowing I'm coming for her. I moved and pushed through the others. Finally, I was right in front of her. There she was. Even more beautiful than she was afar.

Slowly, I reached out my hands. I laid my hands on her. Slowly moving it. Carressing her. Feeling her. Reading her. Understanding her. She looked at me pleadingly, wanting me to take her away. Away from this crowded place.

I stared back at her knowing that I can't take her. My true love, Eve is already waiting for me. I got to fight this. If I stay any longer, I won't be able to resist Elise. Gently, I free myself from her grip. Regret flood my heart. I got to leave my love. Cuz, I can't betray her. I am all she has.

I love Eve too. Maybe not as much as I love you. So wait for me. I will come for you. Goodbye my love. Goodbye Elise Levis. Just for now. I shall buy you next time. When Levis have discount.

My "exciting" day

Today let's talk about fire drill. Why?? Bcuz I want to. Lol. Anyways, getting on with my story. Today uni had a fire drill. Well, at least I think it was. I was in class earlier, doing some accounting calculations and suddenly, RING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And a lady with weird accent spoke "Please evacuate this building. This is not a drill. Do not use the elevator. Please use the stairs." There was a moment of confoundment. Pin drop silence. Everyone stared at everyone, in disbelief, perhaps waiting for someone to make the first move. Almost simultaneously, everyone started packing. Well of course I did too. The puzzling thing is, although our hands are moving, grabbing and chucking everything we can find into our bags, there was certainly lack of panic in the air. It's as though everyone thought that "Aiyah, just another drill. Let everyone rush down first. Why wanna rebut leh?"

Eventually, we headed towards the field, gigling of course. By the time we reached the "field", OMG la, the sea of human. All the Monashians scattered everywhere under the baking hot sun. Talking about the sun, man, the heat just pierce through your skin. So, we found the shadiest, least "scented" spot and stood there for freaking 30 good for nothing minutes. With the heavy files and books. How convenient ey? We hardly did anything there. Usually, in high school, the teachers will berceramah "Para pelajar, macam inikah kamu berkumpul semasa kecemasan? Kenapa bawa beg keluar sekali?" And yea this goes on and on until the teacher thinks that we're incinerated enough under the hot sun and our skin is as dry and scaley as hers. AND oh this is classic! The really super annoying prefects, buzzing around like nuisance flies in between the queues. Angkat! Jatuh! Angkat! Jatuh! Letak jari dibibir. WTF la!! I don't see the purpose of doing those until today. That didn't happen of course. Or maybe they did. But I just couldn't hear.

After close to 20 minutes, finally, somebody came up in front and spoke with a loud speaker. Frankly, there is no need for loud speaker, cuz all the students at the back can't hear a freaking thing. Curiousity got the better of me and I tried to peep what's the commotion in front. Too bad for me. Visiblity is poor as you know I'm vertically challenged. I can see nothing more than 50m ahead. So I need to weave through crowds and hop and jump once in awhile to get a look see :) After much "sun bathing", they finally had mercy on us and allowed us back into our classes.

By the way, I managed to eaves dropped and heard that there was a fire in building 3. Bulding 3??!! I never knew we had such building in Monash. Lol. Whoever that is who started the fire, if there was a fire in the first place, well you just burned my money. But I like what you did but....wrong timing!! Should have saved this chance and do it during end of May or maybe early June :) You know why. Lol. I owe you one if you do. And you will save lives :) And I should bring my sun block everday from now on. In case of another drill.

Ok enough of my crappy post. I'm running out of ideas to write. Good night. Have a beautiful nightmare.

Pensieve

I was driving back today from uni and it was jammed. Was listening to Fly and the topic that was on air caught my attention. "Is it okay for a girl to make the first move?"

Well I can't help but reminisce about my past experiences. Lol. Trust me. If only I can store all memories in a bank, I have plenty to share :) What can I say? I'm an 'adventurous' person :D

Ok, back to the question. Is it ok for girls to make the first move?? Hmm. Food for thought. I wanna blog about this but.....I think for the time being I'm kinda lacking of info. Perhaps, I should put this on hold?

Just for you

This past one year has been life changing for me. So many ups and downs and I don't even know where to begin.You might wonder, after so long, what is it that prompt me to blog again. Lol. Actually its nothing. I just felt a sudden urge to voice my opinions to public again. Previously, lots of "involved" parties were reading my blog. Well, after one year break, I think everyone has forgotten about my blog and its safe to blog again :)

Ok. Let's cut the crap and start the story. As I said, life changing. What is life changing? I can't exactly write it all here; some are too pnc and it will be ridiculously lengthy if I were to type all out. So, I will type bits n pieces of it; depending on my mood :p

All these years, I always thought that I make a wonderful companion. Seriously, I imagine being an affectionate, passionate, caring, understanding, and loving person.

NEWS FLASH!!!!!!

I'm not. I did pay a pretty high price to learn about my self- proclaim forte. Along this "learning" process, I end up hurting someone, and myself. It's a soul searching, self learning process, or whatever you call it. I'm not saying it is entirely my fault, the other party is at fault too. And I don't wanna go over there. Lets just stick to my side only ok?

So what is my fault? Hmm. Tough question. Maybe I'm too egoistical? Maybe I'm not articulate? Mostly, I think I'm selfish and demanding. Selfish for always putting myself above others. Selfish for always blaming anyone but myself. I know I have issues but that don't make you easy too. You're quite a wreck yourself.

It is easier to say it's no one's fault. Because when everyone is responsible than no one is. I hate to think that I contributed to the demise but I guess that is something I can't deny, can I? I kept asking questions that I already know the answer. I was too engross with my own assumptions and perceptions on things until I forgot to ask what do you think about it. Put it simpler, I was drowning in my own insecurity. I kept holding on to the past and dragged it forward and refused to let it go. So much so I punished you with my past. But still, you tried accepting what makes me, me.

Many times I was given a chance to express myself but I was unable too. I couldn't respond to you. I think too much, I was hesitant. I was too careful. Maybe it's a good thing. I know you were insecure yourself but I didn't reach out to you. I was busy saving myself. And you needed your saving as well. And I know, if only I say what was on my mind, I could have saved you. But I didn't. I worry too much about how much I give. I wanted returns with no sacrifices.

Then you left. Why didn't I stop you? Cause I don't think I can and I might hurt you more. Even if I manage to, it is only for that period. After that, I know you will still leave. I don't know what else to do to revive and rekindle things. I appear to you to be aloof and unaffected. You have no idea how much I wanted you to stay. But what can I do? You have given up on me.

Now, why am I still harping on this? Maybe cause I've reached the end, and I start thinking about the beginning. Or maybe I feel that I could have done much better. Either way, fact remains that we have reached the end and there's nothing left to be done. Perhaps, this was a mistake from the start. I wasn't even whole to begin with and neither were you. I know we tried our best. But the best isn't always good enough.

Like John Mayor sang "it's better to say too much, than never to say what you need to say". I doubt that line. I said too much on what I shouldn't and said too little on what I should. I guess, the best still would be, use your head before you talk. Lol.

It's a slim chance that you will stumble upon this and read it. But just so you know, this post goes out to you. You know who you are. So here's the answer you've been waiting for the question you always asked me. No more hesitance this time. Yes, you mean much more to me than I thought you did. I wish I could have told you when we still had each other. Against all odds, I hope you will read this. It is too late but here is another thing I owe you. Just two lines.

You're a rebound. And I'm a liar.