Stick in the mud

I was lying on my bed thinking the other night before I sleep. About life after uni. How will it be like? Where will my future take me? From all I can anticipate are; fear of finding a job, the worry of coping with the job, financial concerns and adapting to the real world. Don't you just feel exposed and unsheltered thinking about it? I do. And I haven't even make allowance for what that may come, unanticipated.

I have major plans ahead of me once I graduate. Can't exactly disclose it here, it's too private. But what are the odds of carrying it out, I don't know. Seeing my current position now, I'm not exactly in good shape to be pondering about it. I hate thinking about it. Usually I just push it to the back of my thoughts.

Facing this unusual crisis of life-after-uni, it makes me realise how much I wanted to grow old the Malaysian way. Note that I didn't say I wanna stay in Malaysia. I just wanna experience Malaysian life a little longer. Maybe I wanna experience it for as long as I live. Human nature. We're most comfortable or most accepting of what we experience first. The changes are usually rejected and unwelcomed. Unless, the prior experience is horribly unbearable or the changes brings much more positive outlook as compared to the past. Don't agree with me? OK. Here's an example. Let's say you've been listening to this song for all your life. And suddenly a new singer came and remixed the song. I think most people will find themselves inclined towards the original piece comparing with the remix version. Barring, the remix version is vastly superior than the previous piece. Or the previous piece is excruciating to the ear. If there's only so much difference between the current and the changes, then people are likely to ignore the miniscule changes and stick with the present.

Sorry, I digress. I'm trying to make a point here. My life after uni, considering the plan, may bring me a better life. But sacrifices are indispensable. No pain, no gain right? And its going to be a costly one. If I survive this, then I dare say I am something. But if I don't, it's gonna be a long fall; a long way down. Either way, I'm trapped. If the plan works, I'm going to be paying some high price for some time. Aborting the plan isn't exactly in my favour as well. I'm not happy either ways. Bottomline, I hate leaving my comfort zone. I hate changes.

I never thought proceeding in life will bring this much worries. When I was a kid, I always wished I'll grow up faster, so I can do whatever I want. I guess Mr. Spidey has it right, "with great power comes great responsibility". Now that I have my freedom, I have greater responsibilities. It's a counter- independence logic.

I wanna have a little time longer:
Going to mamak late at night
Going to pasar malam
Staying in freehold, and landed homes
People around me who can't speak such perfect Engrand *makes me feel superior :p..ok i'm so evil*
Speeding on highways without worrying about efficient law enforcers
Eating diverse local delicacies
Able to visit other states, and feel the difference as you enter those states
Having to travel far to get somewhere
Going to the beaches and many other islands to visit instead of being stuck with just one
Most of all, breaking rules because it is possible :D

All in all, I'm not patriotic. But I do love the imperfect Malaysian ways.